Roflmao Closed Winner Announced

A man escapes from a prison where he had been kept for 15 years. As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it, looking for money and guns, but only finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him up in a chair. While tying the girl up to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail, and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just do what he tells you, just give him satisfaction. This guy must be dangerous, if he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which the wife responds, "He was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong, honey, I love you, too."

Congrats on your win Maw! Continue your winning ways.

~Nono

Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the
road drinking a couple of bottles of Budweiser.

The passenger, Bubba, said, "Lookey thar up ahead,
Earl, it's a dadgum police roadblock! We're gonna get
busted fer drinkin' these here beers!"

"Don't worry, Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over
and finish drinkin' these beers then peel off the label
and stick it on our foreheads, then throw the bottles
under the seat."

What fer?" asked Bubba.

"Just let me do the talkin', OK?," said Earl.

Well, they finished their beers, threw the empties out
of sight & put labels on each of their foreheads.

When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said,
"Howdy boys, ya'll been drinkin'?"

"No sir," said Earl while pointing at the labels...
"Me and Bubba's on the Patch."


~Nono

MAW ~ ....And congratulations right back atcha, Vanilla! It does my heart so much good to hear you call me your buddy and your good friend! Right back atcha with those sweet words, too! Justice was served with your win! Enjoy it! Can't wait to see who is next. All entries SO SO SO GOOD!

royalblush

It's short but sweet..here goes...

Question: What would you really like to hear your friends and family say at your funeral?


Answer: Look.....he's MOVING!!!

Cars vs. Trucks

The couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks.

He wanted a new truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she

could zip through traffic around town.

He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything

she seemed to like was way out of their price range.

"Look!" she said, "I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4
seconds or less, and my birthday is coming up. You could surprise me!"



For her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.

Services are pending.

~Nono

congrats on your win royal , i hope you turn it into a big win tyjosie46

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father, "What is this, Father?" The father [never having seen an elevator] responded "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction.

The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24-year-old woman stepped out. The father said to his son, "Go get your mother."

Here is a decent one for you:

Donald Duck walks into Mickey Mouse's pharmacy. He says to Mickey, "Mickey, I don't get paid till Friday and I need a box of condoms. Could you help me out and spot me a box? Me and Daisy sure would appreciate it." Mickey looks at Donald and says "Sure do you want me to put it on your bill?" ......Shocked and surprised Donald Duck exclaims "What kind of duck do you think I am? You perv......."

An african ambassador visited Russia and was entertained by his opposite number, the Russian ambassador. For three days, the African ambassador was wined, dined, and generally treated to the best hospitality that Russia had to offer.

On the last day of his visit, the Russian ambassador said, "As your stay is coming to an end, it's time for you to play our traditional game, Russian roulette. One of the six chambers of this gun is loaded - you spin the cylinder, point the gun at your head, and pull the trigger."

This phased the African slightly, but he was a proud man of a warrior people, and to show fear would be unthinkable. Both men took their guns, spun, and pulled the triggers.

Both chambers were empty, and both ambassadors breathed a sigh of relief.

The African ambassador was impressed with the couragous game, and thought hard about the subject before the Russian Ambassador was due to visit his country the next year.

When the visit came, the African ambassador treated the Russian with all hospitality, until the final day of his stay. Leading him to a private room in the palace, the African ambassador spoke, "Now, time for you to sample our game, African roulette". He then led the Russian into the room, the only occupants of which were six stunning and naked women.

The African ambassador said, "These women are the most beautiful members of one of our tribes. Any one of them will give you a oral sex - take your pick".

The Russian was not entirely averse to this idea, but he couldn't see the connection with Russian Roulette. He said, "Well, ok, great, but where's the roulette part? Where's the danger?"

With a big grin on his face, the African ambassador answered:

"One of them's a cannibal."

Funny Dog Joke
A timid little man ventured into a biker bar in the Bronx and, clearing his throat, asked, "Um, err, which of you gentlemen owns the Doberman tied outside to the parking meter?"

A giant of a man wearing biker leathers with his body hair growing out of the seams turned slowly on his stool. He looked down at the quivering little man and said, "It's my dog. Why?"

"Well," squeaked the little man, very nervous, "I believe my dog just killed it, sir."

"What?" roared the big man in disbelief. "What in the hell kind of dog do you have?"

"Sir," answered the little man, "It's a four-week-old puppy."

"Bull!" roared the biker, "How could your puppy kill my Doberman?"

"It appears that he choked on it, sir."

You know this contest gets better and better LMAO...I really appreciate you all posting your great jokes! Like I've said before, I love to laugh and this contest has definitely kept me laughing. Please continue to post your jokes.

Our next winner was drawn out of my tupperware bowl, by myself, my lovely assistant will be returning home tomorrow from her 3 weeks vacation.(yippee) The Wednesday winner of our joke contest is:





.......Xyphrax.......Xyphrax.......Xyphrax.......Xyphrax.......Xyphrax.......
.......Xyphrax.......Xyphrax.......Xyphrax.......Xyphrax.......Xyphrax.......
.......Xyphrax.......Xyphrax.......Xyphrax.......Xyphrax.......Xyphrax.......
.......Xyphrax.......Xyphrax.......Xyphrax.......Xyphrax.......Xyphrax.......
.......Xyphrax.......Xyphrax.......Xyphrax.......Xyphrax.......Xyphrax.......




Congratulations Xyphrax your account has been credited with 3,000 CC points. Now you will have enough CC points to redeem the next contest you win. Way to Go!!! And please continue posting jokes. Remember 1 joke = 1 entry at the end of the month final random draw.

Good Luck Crushers!

Happy Gaming Always!

OrangeCrush

WTG & Congrats Xy on your win!!

You Crushers have kept me laughing every day! Thank you.



Keep the great jokes coming! I'm really enjoying this contest!

Happy gaming always,

LadyCrush

Congrats Xyphrax, your jokes have been "laughtastic"!! Enjoy your win

~Nono

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to
get a physical. A few days later the doctor saw
Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous
young lady on his arm. A couple of days later the
doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really
doing great, aren't you?" Morris replied, "Just
doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and
be cheerful.'" The doctor said, "I didn't say that."
I said, "You've got a heart murmur. Be careful."


**********************************

Did you hear about the blonde man who had 8 vasectomies?
His wife kept getting pregnant.


**********************************


A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream
parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto
a stool. After catching his breath he ordered a
banana split. The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed
nuts? "No," he replied, "arthritis."

~Nono