July, 2013, Posting Contest

Where do you find a one legged dog?


A: Where you left it.

This is so cute

Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

Don't Mess With The Elderly

Myra Rhodes, a little old lady living in Great Baddow, Essex, answered a knock on the door one day, to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

'Good morning, Ma'am,' said the young man. 'If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.'

'Go away!' said Myra brusquely. 'I'm broke and haven't got any money,' and she proceeded to close the door.

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. 'Don't be too hasty,' he commanded. 'Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.' And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.

'Now, if this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder.'

Myra stepped back and said with a smile, 'Well let me get you a spoon, young man because they cut off my electricity this morning

A good chess player
Panda A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while. "I can hardly believe my eyes!" he exclaimed. "That's the smartest dog I've ever seen."

"Nah, he's not so smart," the friend replied. "I've beaten him three games out of five."

Little Johnny... The Birds and the Bees


Little Johnny's father asks him if he knows about the birds and the bees.

"I don't want to know!" Little Johnny says, bursting into tears.

Confused, his father asks what's wrong.

"Oh, Dad," Little Johnny sobs, "first, there was no Santa Claus, then no Easter Bunny, and finally, no Tooth Fairy. If you're about to tell me that grownups don't really have sex, I've got nothing left to believe in."

Q: How can you tell that a blonde's been baking chocolate chip cookies?

A: There's M&M shells all over the floor.


Q: What did the blonde say when she saw a box Cheerios?

A: "Wow! Doughnut seeds!"

Sign in a car dealership office: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."

There are 2 cowboys in the kitchen. Which one is the real cowboy?
The one on the range.

Redneck 911 Call:

Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911 operator told Billy Bob that she would send someone out right away.

Where do you live?" asked the operator.

Billy Bob replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."

The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?"

There was a long pause and finally Billy Bob said, "How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?"

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Q: What invention did a blonde come up with that didn't pass the patent board?

A: Ejection seats in helicopters.

What did the water say to the boat?


A: Nothing, it just waved.

4th of July Joke

The difference between a duck and George Washington is:
One has a bill on his face; the other has his face on a bill!