Birthday Contest Day #06 - Birthday related jokes (CLOSED)

Posted: Wed Dec 06, 2017 9:46 pm (No subject)

Knock-knock!
Who's there?
Abby!
Abby who?
Abby Birthday to you!

Posted: Wed Dec 06, 2017 9:56 pm (No subject)

Your upcoming birthday reminds me of the words of the old Chinese scholar: Yung No Mo

Smile

Posted: Wed Dec 06, 2017 10:17 pm (No subject)

What did George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Christopher Columbus all have in common? They were all born on holidays.

Posted: Wed Dec 06, 2017 10:21 pm (No subject)

Q: Why are birthday's good for you?

A: Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest! Smile

Posted: Wed Dec 06, 2017 10:22 pm (No subject)

Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

Posted: Wed Dec 06, 2017 10:23 pm (No subject)

It's my wife's birthday tomorrow.

Last week I asked her what she wanted as a present.

"Oh, I don't know", she said.

"Just give me something with diamonds".

So I'm giving her a pack of playing cards.

Posted: Wed Dec 06, 2017 10:25 pm (No subject)

I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you. Smile

Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2017 12:55 am (No subject)

You Know Your Old When:

You and your teeth don’t sleep together.
People call at 9 p.m. and ask, “Did I wake you?”
You begin every other sentence with, “Nowadays…”
The clothes you’ve put away until they come back in style… come back in style.
Things you buy now won’t wear out.
When happy hour is a nap.
When you can’t remember how old you are
You sing along with the elevator music.
You wear black socks with sandals.
You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.
Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr.
You sit in a rocking chair and can’t get it going.

Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2017 1:50 am (No subject)

YOUR SECRETS ARE SAFE WITH ME BECAUSE I LITERALLY WON'T REMEMBER
THEM. THIS ALSO APPLIES TO YOUR BIRTHDAY. YOUR BIRTHDAYS ARE SAFE WITH ME. Smile

Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2017 2:24 am (No subject)

What did one candle say to the other? "Don't birthdays burn you up? Smile

Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2017 3:53 am (No subject)

Q: What did the elephant wish for on his birthday?
A: A trunkful of presents!

Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2017 10:40 am (No subject)

It's always a good idea to make friends with babies. That's free cake once a year for a lifetime.

funny funny. Razz

Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2017 3:51 pm (No subject)

Artificial intelligence is a wonderful thing.
I told my computer that today is my birthday,
and it said I needed an upgrade.

Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2017 4:53 pm (No subject)

FORGET ABOUT THE PAST, YOU CAN'T CHANGE IT.
FORGET ABOUT THE FUTURE, YOU CAN'T PREDICT IT.
FORGET ABOUT THE PRESENT, I DIDN'T GET YOU ONE. LOL

Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2017 6:31 pm (No subject)

A man asked his wife, “What would you most like for your birthday?”

She said, “I’d love to be ten again.”

On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park – the Death Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear.

She had a go on every ride there was. She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach turning.

Then they were off to a movie theater where they ate popcorn and sweets and drank Cola. At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into bed.

Her husband leaned over and asked, “Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?” One eye opened and she groaned, “Actually, honey, I meant dress size!”